(s)He Turned It
No matter how long it’s been since I’ve been in church, gospel music will always stir something in me. It’s a good reminder that as much as pain can be ancestral, so is joy.
A good foot tapping, hand clapping Donnie McClurkin tune will have me screaming in my car with the best of the Baptists. And Tye Tribbett is always a reminder to get unstuck.
The devil thought he (had me)
Thought that my life was (over)
He thought by now I'd (give up)
He thought I had no (more)
But that's when someone (greater)
Stepped in my (situation)
My morning has now begun (because)
He turned it! (He turned it!)
Sometimes I look back
And I don't know how in the world I made it
Tye Tribbett
So much of Christianity has taught us that power rests outside of ourselves.
Something/one big and omnipotent and outside of our physical reach is responsible for the outcome of basically, everything. Leaving very little in our grasp (if you let them tell it).
But I rebuke this powerless, defeatist theology. Grand Rising, Queens!! (I said this on purpose) Tap into your chakras, and third eyes, and kemetic power, and the ancestors, and orishas, feast on the sun, dip yourself into the ocean - whoever and whatever you need to collaborate your best.
Coming into 2024 was a call to action(s). My mental health is at its worst when it feels like everything is happening TO me. Resigning myself to everything outside of me is so low vibrational (I said that on purpose)... and I got the whack-ass receipts to prove it.
I felt like a fish just floating with the current. But I needed to feel like I was in charge of SOMETHING. Like my fins were flapping and we were moving.
For example:
I read a lot and listened to a lot and tried to make it happen with sleep discipline. The YouTube boys told me being in bed by 8pm and waking up before the sun is how success in everything will find me. And I did it. Want to control your life… control your bed time, thye said. For a while, I was a tyrant about my bedtime. It kinda worked, but I realize now why it didn’t fit. It wasn’t honoring me, my mind, or my body and the ways she shows up best.
These days I find myself sleepy around 10ish and waking up with no alarm around 7:30am. I do not look at my phone for at least two hours, because I understand how much it distracts me and then creates rush since I’ve wasted so much time scrolling, responding to other people’s needs, or being consumed with news/problems/trends outside of the cozy of my home. We take a walk - where I have a lot to discuss with our dog son. And then begin a daily morning huddle with Jesus, God, my ancestors (including our soul dog, Ziggy), and Oshun. It’s a routine of overwhelming gratitude, forgiveness for all of my bullshit, and prayers to get me through. And lemme tell you something, “my morning has now begun because WE TURNED IT.” Not on my own, not leaving it to chance - a partnership of all of ‘em and the desires of my heart.
These deliberate moments are changing my life and the ways I can show up for myself, my family, and my work (our couples’ therapist told me this would happen).
And to be honest (tbh, like the young kids say), arriving here was not an act of supreme enlightenment or inner motivation. In “The Mountain is You,” Brianna Wiest discusses hitting rock bottom - a place you absolutely do not want to revisit again. If we live long enough, life may afford us the privilege of several. We’re socialized beings figuring our way through like newborn giraffes. It’s wobbly and messy and everyone’s kinda staring and hoping you make it. I’ve been reborn through a couple of rock bottoms and in June of 2023, I slid into another one.
** I’ll rephrase. I didn’t slide there in June. I did a lot of sliding before, and the bottom, and its impact on my relationship, was called to the carpet. I couldn’t hide from the bottom anymore. Not if I wanted to build an affirming partnership and not if EYE (I said that on purpose) wanted to be my best self. More on rock bottom later.**
In twenty twenty-four, I committed to my BEST - Because Everything Should (be): Terrific, Thorough, Triumphant, Thorough, Tasty, Tantalizing, Thrilling, a Testimony, Thoughtful, Thriving, Tremendous, Top-Notch, Etc, Etc.
In my yoga, I seal my practice with a commitment to my best strength.
Every morning I give gratitude for the best of yesterday and ask for support in today’s best.
In my relationship, I am rebuilidng my best in a way that affirms our partnership and commitment to our values.
With my clients, I give my best - not my everything.
With cultivating my genius and learning new skills, I give my best.
And whenever I have to leave the house and put on real clothes to see you people, listen… I tried my best.
(S)He Turned It… into something blossoming into beautiful.
So I have a few questions for you:
How do you arrive to your mornings? With chaos or intention?
What are the small ways you can take back your power? Is it a 30-second meditation before you look at your phone? (no shame to the scrollers, I am you) Is it a slow and meaningful shower? Maybe it’s your deliberate coffee/tea/water routine?
What are you willing to do to fight for your best? And be fucking for real when you answer this. It’s a fight and it requires you to show up.
“There’s still time to create something new” is my constant chorus. And I’m so grateful for the grace of time. If you see me slacking, look at me real judgey and simply say “is that your best” - know I heard you, you’re right, and don’t be shocked if we don’t hang out again cuz you’re rude. Tuh.
