If This World Were Mine.
Ask my my favorite day of the week.
Thank you for asking... it’s Thursday at 4pm.
Ask me why.
Thanks again, well... for the Monday-Friday work girlies (gender-neutral), Thursday (also named Friday Jr. for all who celebrate) is when you feel the weight of Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday bearing down on you. wherever you slacked off or however you leaned in and hustled will show up in your Thursday.
It’s a day that brings clarity and realignment. It answers the question “what ACTUALLY needs to get done” to make the week a success. Thursday makes way for the clear priorities of Friday IF your goal is to enjoy a work-free weekend.
Thursday inspires urgency for the road ahead without desperation... because there’s still time. But waiting until Friday to see if you’ve done what you were supposed to do is a recipe for chaos and disaster.
Thursday keeps the weekend (rest, solitude, community, creativity, joy, activity, etc) sweet on the tongue.
Thursday isn’t where we give up our motivation. It’s where we dig deeper with the promise of freedom close by.
Today is my thirty-fifth birthday. And it is a welcoming of Thursday afternoon.
Thirty-four was Thursday morning. Feeling the pressure and overwhelm of a Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday spent spinning in circles, pushing around tasks, moving small rocks, checking off some life to-dos without a bigger purpose.
Thirty-Five, my Thursday morning, answers the question “what will you do now to make the weekend sweet.”
If this world were mine...
And in some ways it is/can be. We are all creating mini worlds in the ways that we build community, family, ecosystems. (This is not ignoring the impact of the isms, but also reclaiming the power of our ability to create)
Since this world is mine... 35 greets meet shifting from so much self-blame. Shifting from “I’m responsible when things go wrong.” Shifting from unworthy taking residence in my gut. Shifting from undeserving taking up way too much headspace. And shifting into “I am only responsible for what I can control,” “I am worthy,” “what I enjoy matters,” - recitations daily until the exclamations feel less foreign.
In my EMDR therapy sessions, me and my mind’s bestie (aka my therapist) have been processing through a lot of stuff. In that processing two visions constantly emerge:
- An astronaut in space gazing at a planet, which is tethered by many ropes t something unknown. It’s connected not for safety... but as a weight, an anchor - when the true mission is to roam free. As memories/mantras/traumas get worked through, the astronaut asks my consent to cut a rope and let a little bit of that weight go.
- A statue of me constructed out of stone. Beautiful. Stable. In a position of chest ripping open to reveal gold. But the opening is a battle. It’s a fight between what was and what could be. In the processing, I struggle to reveal more of the gold.. constantly hesitating. In some of the processing, flowers have emerged from the back of this statue. Stealing sunshine, forcing growth, pushing me forward (something’s got my back), creating beautiful even when there’s resistance.
In every moment I’ve been here, back there, and somewhere up ahead. Guiding childhood and young me into feeling affirmed enough to imagine - and then create - a bountiful future.
Thirty-five greets me with “welcome home.” With deep love and intention from partner, family, and community.
Thirty-five sees me daydreaming past fear and shame, and into silly and sacred.
Thirty-five greets me quiet until I’m ready to make noise. Lighter - facing the sun, not worried about rain.
Thirty-five gives me the grace of time, and more opportunities to take myself to the altar with so much gratitude. In deep recognition of every being, every force, every moment that brought me “from a mighty long way.”
Thirty-five acknowledges the world that is mine to fight for and create. Thirty-five has me getting prepared for the perfect weekends for as long as our hearts can stand it.
Since this world is mine
I place at my feet
Dreams, visions, fantasies
My body and soul has been so good to me Since this world is mine
I’m buying flowers, creating, and healing And with past and future beside me
(and abundant community) That’s all I need
Since this world is mine
I’m giving me...
Safety, joy, laughter, connection The love I’m worthy of.
I’m giving me anything.
